I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
