How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
