lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
