hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize