and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
