You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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