no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
