taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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