She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
