My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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