I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
