That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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