Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
