Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
