Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
