I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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