You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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