my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
