But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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