My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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