Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
