i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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