I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
