I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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