I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
