At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
