You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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