can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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