If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
