I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
