ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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