Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can you bring me the toilet please
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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