Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
