my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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