No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
