My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
