i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
