I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize