Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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