I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize