I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
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Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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