I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
