You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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