So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
