Pants 0. Shit 1.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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