I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
