So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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