Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
