wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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