look no pants
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
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I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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