Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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