Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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