i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You made out with two different species that night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
