i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
