I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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