You're my little dorito
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
