Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
