You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
