I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
