two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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