Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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