Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
