I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
