I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
