dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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